im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
