I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
