I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank you for not boning my boss.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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