am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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