dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
