We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
