I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
