This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
