Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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