God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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