new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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