he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
