is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Couch. On fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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