I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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