shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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