Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
