I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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