Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
