somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
