drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
