i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
