she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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