WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
