It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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