Banned from zoo.
Again?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
