Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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