you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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