I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
