Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
