It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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