can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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