every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
