Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
