i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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