I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
