I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
