If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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