I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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