I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
