she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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