I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
