she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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