I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize