stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
