You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
