I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
