but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
