My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
