im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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