So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
