So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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