What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize