i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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