dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
