the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
