You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
